May 31st

by barbznz

Today is Suzanne’s birthday, She would be 39 today, So I am sad today, I miss my girl. Some one on TV said, that the pain of losing someone you love never goes away but eventually when you wake in the morning it is not the first think you think of. I thought that summed it up nicely. 

Suzanne isn’t the first thing I think of in the morning but I do think of her everyday. The day of her birth was so scary but it promised many things. I had a little girl, someone to call my own, some one to teach and watch grow into a beautiful young woman full of promise. But the promises didn’t come. She did grow up of course but we were denied so many treasured moments. her first word, her first step,  her first date, her wedding and the arrival of her own children, the natural circle of life. 

I don’t think it really dawned on me how much I was missing out until I had Simon. Of course I was aware that Suzanne wasn’t reaching her milestones but the way it was. And so she wasn’t doing much, how was that so different. 

Simon on the other hand was so different. Every day there was something new. Even as a young baby he was full of surprises. Once we went to dinner to my friend Deirdre’s house.We had met in the annex. Her son Shane was 3 days younger than Simon. Shane’s father was a total sleaze, the epitome of used car salesman. he was so proud of his son. He got out his stop watch and said, you can tell how intelligent a child is by how long it takes for him to roll over at this age. Marty put Simon on the floor. In the time it took for Shane to roll, Simon was over on his tummy and was halfway across the floor. 

Each of Suzanne’s birthdays were special but her last is probably the most special. Suzanne came home for lunch. Simon was still living at home and his girlfriend Krystal was visiting. Mum had also come for lunch. We were sitting at the table eating when Simon said, I have an announcement. You are going to be grandparents and I am moving to New Plymouth to be with Krystal..

My mother nearly choked on her meal and Marty looked mortified. He din’t like Krystal at all.  I was rapt. I was going to be a nana again. We already had Jenni’s son Caleb though he was far away in Australia. This moko was going to be closer. 

Suzanne gave a knowing smile. She understood all right. In fact she looked really happy. I have to admit I wasn’t happy about Simon going away, I hadn’t been down to Taranaki for years and it was so out of the way. But I loved the idea of a baby. And she turned out to be exactly what I needed when her time came to be born. New life can heal all wounds. 

May 31st is also Smokefree day. I encourage  any of you who this who are smokers , please think of stopping, It is the only product when used as directed is guaranteed to kill you. Smoking affects not only you and your health and well being but your family, whether by second hand smoke or the amount of money that you spend on it. So stop, do  it for you and do it for you family. I know it isn’t easy, but there is lots of support out there to help you. 

© Barbara Hart 2014